Chapter 10 Lazy dog

Verse 1

I think that a lot of people fail to fully appreciate the worth of doing nothing for a day. The satisfaction that can be found in a day that some would call wasted because you haven't done anything worthwhile in their eyes cannot be overestimated.
If you spend your day reading in bed, lazing in front of the TV or by just dragging your feet around doesn't really matter.
The fact that you do as good as nothing is the whole point.

Verse 2

For this thing to be fully effective there is one thing that has to be absent, guilt.
Guilt can not be allowed to rear its ugly head after a day of feetdragging. Because if it does the therapeutic effect is lost.
I know a few guys that are quite good at being Lazy dogs and i am pretty sure they don't feel guilty about that at all, i know that i don't.

Verse 3

Tomorrow i will round off a day of Lazy dogging with a few pints at the pub. What can be better?
I fully expect to see some of you there.

Chapter 9 Amoebas

Verse 1

Everyday at work i see people behaving like total amoebas, no insult intended to the amoebas. I actually believe amoebas are quite smart for being singlecelled organisms.
But people on the other hand behave as if they don't have a single braincell to call their own. Sometimes i wonder if it is the result of progress that people more and more often cant seem to function properly and fend for themselves.
If so i fear for our survival. Not my own as much because i am still capable of remembering the alphabet and i know the difference between left and right, right and wrong for that matter but that's another story.
Simple things like "Look to your left" or "By the sign that says such and such you can find what you are looking for" seems to be spoken in ancient Hebrew and be assembly-instructions for a rocket, judging by the look of total confusion on peoples faces.

Verse 2

Each and every time i encounter people as the ones described above i think that they should be grateful that humanity have moved on since the time when we where all hunter-gatherers. They would have starved, been eaten by animals while being savagely beaten by fellow tribesmen. Which leads me to the conclusion that progress isn't all good.
At certain times in life we should be put in a maze and all those that cant find their way out might best used as litterpickers along our highways.
One good thing about the singlecelled people is of course that they make the rest us seem so much smarter by comparison.

Chapter 8 Dark conspiracy

Verse 1

When you walk through your local supermarket you cant help but notice that you always get a better price if you buy a big box of detergent instead of a smaller one. The same goes for toothpaste, rice, butter, almost anything you care to name.
The bigger the box, bag or whatever shape container the better the price will be.
This is of course very nice and dandy unless we talk about stuff that will spoil before you have time to use it. This way of pricing doesn't do all the singles out there much good. Everywhere you go you see offers in the style of. Buy two get one free! Why cant i get one for half price instead?

Verse 2

When you look at the the difficulty people have when it comes to finding a place to live with larger apartments being comparatively cheaper than smaller ones, everything seems even more like a conspiracy by powers unknown.
Which brings me to my point. Is all this intentional?
Is this a system designed to make singlelife less attractive? Are the singles being forced into partnerships by financial necessity?
Could it be that some force is at work to make singlelife expensive and hard while partnerships are being subsidized? To what end this system?

Verse 3

Therefore we should all be thankful for the brave freedom fighters out there, fighting hard to stay single in spite off all odds and dark forces arrayed against them. And a special thanks to the few couples that continue to buy the smaller size groceries, just because being sensible all the time isn't as much fun.
I take some small pride in being in that latter category, spitting in the eye of economypacks and 2 for 1 coupons, unless i can get coca cola at a good price of course.

Chapter 7 Chores

Verse 1

Household chores are the death of joy! Nothing can kill the joy found in a day off from work such as the looming presence of things that has to be done at home. Things such at washing up, vacuuming and my personal pet hate, doing the dishes.
There is something about that small mountain of dirty dishes that always make me look longingly at the computer. The thing is of course that for every time i decide to indulge myself and ignore the dishes is that the mountain grows larger. The circle of doom is endless, at least until i run out of plates and glasses.

Verse 2

There is a weird seemingly impossible connection between the dislike one feels for doing those chores and the small amount of actual time it takes to do them.
If it took hours upon hours to vacuum the apartment it would be one thing but it doesn't, it takes some 30 minutes but the load of angst and aversion is huge.
They say that some people think that it is relaxing and fun to do stuff like that but i find that very unlikely. It would be like saying that some people actually thought that Battlefield Earth was a good movie.

Verse 3

Soon i'm off to a friends place to educate my girlfriend in the greatness of the Alien saga.
Yes! I have done the dishes.

Chapter 6 Writers block

Verse 1

What is writers block really? Is it something like that thing that we have all heard about, a curse afflicting writers and authors? If it is a curse who is responsible for it? Where can you go to buy one and what do they cost? I can easily imagine a jealous writer sneaking through dark alleys to the Writers block cursedealer to have one placed on a more successful colleague.
Even though i am not a writer myself i can come up with a few names of people that are, where a curse would be well spent money.
Or could it be more like a disease? If so, how does it spread and should we research for a cure?

Verse 2

Another approach to figuring out the writers block is to think on it as a snobbish author's way of saying that we are not worthy of his work. He still wants our money of course so he wont flat out say that he despises us but instead resort to the writers block as an explanation as to why he isn't busy on part two of a contracted trilogy. In this case the cure is readily apparent, freeze all funds and threaten with lawsuit. Part two should be on the shelves shortly.

Verse 3

Who says it's a curse anyway? It could well be a blessing in disguise. Perhaps not in the eyes of the cursed but for us, the readers. There sure are a lot of dreadful books out there where the intervention of the writers block would have been most welcome.

Chapter 5 Heavy lifting is hazardous

Verse 1

Some time ago i helped my girlfriend to move some things to her new apartment and i started to think about a weird phenomenon.
How is it that doorways, all doorways allow you to squeeze a couch or large bookcase through with just enough space left to horribly mangle a hand in?
The items size and shape relative to each other doesn't matter at all, they will all fit and grind your hand with horrific precision.

Verse 2

Exactly the same principle applies when you move things around in bags. You come up to the doorway carrying paperbags filled with something heavy, usually books in both hands. It is probable that you will have two bags in each hand because you don't want to run back and forth so many times.
As you approach the opening you start to twist and turn trying to angle your bags as to move smoothly through. It is hopeless let me tell you. There is no way that you wont bang a bag into the frame regardless of your maneuvering, no matter your athletic skills or limber your body. You will bang a bag or more, most likely all of them and being paperbags they will rip and tear spilling books all over. If you are lucky that is, it will just as often be the good china.

Verse 3

I chalk this up to being a cosmic law. That's what i call the things that just are. Like the fact that it will usually rain on a picnic and that you will get absolutely no wind when you go sailing. There are many more and most of them detrimental to your wellbeing, mental or physical. There is as far as i know nothing we can do about the cosmic laws but to endure them and move on. Usually soaking wet on an becalmed sailboat while nursing a shredded hand

Chapter 4 How about that?

Verse 1

Yesterday at work i was accused of being an attractive guy, twice!
The one telling me this was a 70 something year old violinbuilding ex musicteaching lady.
She had come in to the store hoping to find a birthday present for her granddaughter.
It turned out that we didn't have anything on her list. So i sold her a book about The Clash
As she left she said that she was going home to write a poem about all the attractive guys she had seen that day.

Verse 2

I don't know if there is anything to learn from this story except that there are old ladies out there with excellent taste and that compliments can come from all quarters.
Anyway, she seemed like a nice old lady with her head screwed on right and the whole thing made me smile at the time.
Besides, it is not every day that you are the subject of a poem.

Verse 3

Her violins took 24 coats of varnish.
That shows an attention to detail that you don't see often nowadays

Chapter 3 Cut yourself some slack

Verse 1

Here i am at work with this autumns first cold. I say the first cause i have a distinct feeling there will be more to follow.
But the thing i am asking myself is, why am i at work with nostrils alternating between clogged as a highway at rush hour and runny as the Niagara Falls? To add salt to my wounds i am developing a cough seemingly designed to shake my ribs to pieces.

Verse 2

Things were a lot easier when i was younger and just having started my first fulltime job. I was 18 or 19 something with my own apartment and calling in sick on a Friday, or Monday for that matter was easy as pie.
Being able to sleep late on Friday so that you were fit as a fiddle for a full night on the town was great and the fact that you faked sickness to do it wasn't a big deal those days.
You might think that running the risk of meeting your workmates at the pub later that night would prove awkward but you knew that there was a good chance that they would do exactly the same next weekend.

Verse 3

But not so any more. For some reason i invariably decide to soldier on. Coughing and sneezing at work while prolonging my suffering by not staying home and taking it easy.
Added to this is the fact that if i would be sensible enough to stay at home i could count on being cared for and pampered with by my excellent girlfriend.

Verse 4

Perhaps this is the time to revert to my old ways while being sensible. A Friday is coming up and i just might call in sick. With this in mind i suspect that i will make a speedy recovery over the next few days followed by a catastrophic decline in health just in time for the coming Monday.

Chapter 2 About Character

Verse 1

I started to think about a belief that some people have.That facing adversity somehow builds character. (called C for short)
How does that work? How much C does a person really need and do you stockpile the bonus C you earn? Who awards that C you get from facing adversity and being miserable because you feel that life is passing you by?
Can you appeal to a higher authority if you dont get the C you reckon you deserve?

Verse 2

Lets say you have alot of extra C. What do you now do with it?
How much C does a pint cost at your local pub? I dont know, but i have a hunch that if you run up a bartab you better have some cash with you and not trust to your accumulated C to pay your way.
Can i tip the waitress some C and expect a smile instead of a slap in the face? I seriously doubt it.
And most importantly. Can C be sold on e-bay?

Verse 3

Perhaps im looking at this too mundanely. It might be that the C you earn is to guarantee you a better seat in heaven, a more silverlined cloud so to speak or a better tuned harp to play on.
Could it be that being low on C means that you get an expressride to the guy downstairs?
If this is the case how about those people that have it made from the word go?
Being born to rich parents and living a sheltered life safe from the harsh reality of having to work for a living.What about their C? Do they get deducted C or do they just not get any extra?
If being low on C meant that your cloud in heaven would turn out to be the wet thundery kind or that your harp should be missing strings or even that you dont get in at all, then the demand for C on e-bay would be enormous.

Verse 4

In the end it might turn out to be true that your extra C, so painfully gained isnt worth more than...

That attractive person opposite you on the subway smiles back at you and even winks.

After having tried to pay for your beer with C and later paid for with real money, gets you a bowl of peanuts for free and a pat on the shoulder for being a funny guy.

The barbeque you had looked forward to for the last two weeks is not cancelled due to rain but instead experiences the best weather that year.

Even though i might sometimes wish that there existed a C exchange office where i could trade C for gold bars i also think that i will, in the end settle for a bowl of peanuts and a sunny barbecue

Chapter 1 Beginnings

Verse 1

Something new in life has been started here today. It will be interesting to see what unfolds in this place.
Something great or something mediocre? Magic or mundane? Way too early to tell yet.
Either way it will be something new and that has worth all by itself.



Thanks go to my girlfriend for her invaluable help